I know it’s a bit unconventional; but this week, I’ll start by recounting two of my recent painful experiences, i.e. failures. (Bear with me, there is an encouragement for you in the end.)
Experience # 1
An ideal type of client recently enquired for coaching via my website. O joy! O delight! We met in my office, had a great rapport and conversation. One hour later, she emailed me. Using polite and carefully chosen words, she said in essence “Not yet” i.e. “No”. Ouch!
Experience # 2
I had studied the dates, facts and people’s names for a written History test. I had even created flashcards, revised the night before. Then I sat for the exam and... forgot so many dates and names that I missed by the qualifying mark by 3 points. Ouch! Ouch!
Being in the valley of – what we perceive to be – failure can be very painful, excruciating even, mentally and emotionally. It’s tough. Maybe it’s because, we, i.e. women, tend to over-process, ruminate our feelings, thoughts, emotions (especially the negative ones) to the point that our exacerbated awareness of painful events engulfs us, paralyses us, prevent us from moving forward.
What’s the way out?
Let me suggest that we would benefit from, first, decluttering our mind and re-establishing the truth, not our version of the truth, but the Truth based on God’s word. Clinging to the Truth is crucial for us to be mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy and well-balanced women.
If you are now in a situation where you missed the mark, I would like to invite you to hit the “pause” button and to take a quiet time to reflect, equipped with God’s word. Next, allow me to ask you some questions to explore potential ways to deal with experiences of failure.
What happened? (state the facts and result(s))
What makes it a failure from your viewpoint?
What would you like to have happened?
Which part of this event did you have control over?
How likely would this event define your identity as a woman, as a daughter of God?
If your best friend had gone through something similar, what would you say to encourage her?
Through this painful experience, what did you learn about yourself?
Should the same event occur again, what would you keep doing, stop doing and start doing?
What opportunity for growth do you see emerging from this experience?
What would Jesus say to you privately now that you have reflected on this event?
The Bible's perspective
“Even if good people fall seven times, they will get back up.” Proverb 24:16a CEV
Let’s look at a story in the Bible in the book of Acts. The plans of the Apostle Paul’s, a great preacher and evangelist failed when he tried to go and preach God’s word in Phrygia (now located in Turkey): “they were forbidden by the Holy Spirit to preach in Asia”. This sounds weird, counter-intuitive, even contradictory. It was a good plan, but not God’s plan. From an outsider’s viewpoint, this might look like a failure. Still, when we read the whole story, we see in Acts 16:9,10 that God led Paul and Barnabas to Philippi, Macedonia instead. Fast forward, God blessed this trip to Philippi and ultimately gave Paul and Barnabas success as the family of the jailor accepted Christ as their Saviour (Acts 16:33,34). (If you’re not familiar with the story, feel free to read the whole chapter).
What does this story mean to us?
That God can use what we call our failures as an opportunity...
to advance His kingdom, nothing is impossible to God.
for us to learn more about Him, and about us as women create to His image
to understand His agenda and timing are perfect and (very often) different from ours
to appreciate His sovereignty, Love and Power to bless us, enrich us and empower us.
for Him to speak to us directly when He stops, redirects or confirms our plans
for us to remain focussed and re-centred on Christ, not on our own self.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV.
The pain we feel from failure comes most likely from our bruised ego - Pain with its trail of negative snowballing feelings: shame, anger, frustration, sadness etc. However, when we understand who and Whose we are, our perceptions change, our paradigm shift. We know it’s not about us; it’s about growing into the woman God created us to be. And not I but Christ living in me.
“Failure seen through the lens of God becomes a learning experience for growth.”
So, yes did I learn from and through my “failures”.
My failed exam experience reminded me that I am a visual learner. I needed to remain aligned with my learning style to memorise facts dates successfully. Lesson (re)learnt. (Watch this space. I am due to re-sit the exam next month.)
My “Ciao” client experience helped me to stretch my “bounce-back-from-rejection” muscle. Second and most importantly, the Holy Spirit revealed that is not so much about me gaining a client but instead about becoming a raying intercessor for my prospect and her family. Wow! This thought gave me such energy. Seen through this divine lens, I feel honoured to partner with God. Glory to His Name!
My perspective has changed completely now.
I thank God for allowing these events to happen so I can better realise that He is still in control of my life, despite my so-called failures.
What about you? What has God revealed to you from your failures?
So here UPLIFT Ministries proposed 5-phase plan to deal with what looks like a failure:
Phase 1 – yes it will be hard and painful. And that’s ok. Acknowledge the pain. (Most likely it’s your ego being hurt in the process)
Move quickly to Phase 2 where you get on your knees and talk to God. Ask Him to give you His holy “lens” or perspective.
Phase 3: Listen to what He reveals to you, according to His Grace. He can speak to you through a inspired and wise friend, the Bible, prayers, an inspired song or anything that will grab your attention.
Phase 4: Obey His will by acting on what He has made clear to you
This new positive, uplifting awareness – devoid from guilt, anger or negative feelings – will make a world of difference to you and the people around you. You will be empowered through Christ to do the great things that God has prepared for you. That’s Phase 5.
Through God’s lens...
where there is a mess, you might see His Blessings,
where there is a failure, you might see His Favour,
where there is chaos, you might see Divine Control,
where there is an ordeal, you might see Divine Opportunities.
As a prayer, let’s read and reflect on King’s David words of encouragement
“I patiently waited, Lord, for You to hear my prayer.
You listened and pulled me from a lonely pit full of mud and mire.
You let me stand on a rock with my feet firm, and You gave me a new song, a song of praise to You. Many will see this, and they will honor and trust You, the Lord God."
Psalm 40:1-4 CEV
Until the next time, may God bless you and your family.
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